Are Your Thoughts Empowering You?
This whole cancer thing has deepened my awareness of how toxic and dark my thought life can be. Am I shocked by this? Nah.
But what rattles my cage is awareness of how a dark thought can hijack my mind, crash my mood and then beckon me into a package of Trader Joe’s Windmill cookies and Netflix. (Or, cough, cough, merlot, cough)
Dark, gloomy thoughts are just part of the human experience. It’s when we get hooked into a negative narrative that things go south.
Have you heard the saying, you can’t prevent a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest in your hair? (Fun fact: A bird COULD make a nest out of my shedding hair but would find my thinning pate inhospitable for a feathered domicile.)
Right now, I am moving out of my home. There is tremendous upheaval on every front of my life. Boxes are piling up. Trips to the storage unit. Oh wait, are the stitches from the port removal holding up okay when I schlep a box?
Change of address order-check! Cancel home insurance-check!
Oh, I sold my car too. And Tom and I are heading back to Michigan, about a 2,000-mile journey.
I am dismantling the life I have carefully built over the past few years, as a newly divorced woman.
Talk about a shit ton of change. And plenty of fodder for waking up in the middle of the night with a panic attack because this all needs to be done in the next 10 days.
Just what a woman needs fresh out of breast cancer treatment, eh?
Are you hearing a little of my negative narrative? I’ll spell it out.
Oh. My. God. What the fuck are you doing, Theresa? Don’t you realize how this stress is affecting you? BTW- YOU NEED TO GET YOUR STRESS LEVEL DOWN!! NOW!!!! (Add that to my to-do list.)
Make your world small. Protect yourself. And geesh, sure wish I had some help. It’s always just poor little old me pulling off shit, and it’s so hard. Here I go again, packing and moving and….
And while I’m at it, why not through in some negative self-talk too? The weight gain, the balding head. The goober who asked me if I was my sister’s OLDER sister? Let’s focus on that and get good and offended!
Good Lord. It is 6:43am and I’m thinking some merlot sounds nice. Is it any wonder?
It’s so easy to get sucked into this.
An empowering narrative makes me stand up a little straighter, work with focus, and pull off hard shit because I. CAN. DO. HARD. THINGS.
To contrast:
Wow. This is hard shit, Theresa. But you got this. You have successfully kicked cancer’s ass and have an opportunity for a fresh start.
The decks are cleared and, even though it feels scary, you are on the threshold of a new, happier, and more purposeful life.
God/The Universe has brought you an amazing life partner who has been with you every step of the way. He calls me the love of his life.
Look at your scars, girl! You are a survivor. More than a survivor-a thriver! You are beautiful from the top of your balding crown to the tips of your tippy toe.
It is hard work packing up a house again, but you know how to do it with amazing speed and efficiency.
And speaking of house, it was your badassery that rehabbed this home, put it on the market, and made a profit that will help buy you more time to continue to heal from treatment and sort out your next steps. (With Tom, of course!)
And omgoodness. Look at all the helpers surrounding you, cheering you on and loving you? (Mister Rogers was right!) Look at all the cards you’ve received, offering you affirmation and encouragement.
Wadda difference this approach makes.
When I get into that groove, get me over-caffeinated and get out of the way. Let’s turn on a little Greta Van Fleet and get this party started.
Empowerment.
I wish I could say this is my natural default, but like most humans, it is not. Fear dictates a lot of our thought processes. This does not empower, it turns us into scared victims.
Let me be clear about something, though. This is not toxic positivity I’m talking about. Nor some glib Bible verse or a pithy quote from a 30-something overachiever with unnaturally white teeth.
We must acknowledge and honor ourselves when we are in difficulty. We must honor the overwhelm and the grief with compassion and self-love.
This takes deep inner work, and it is a task of a lifetime.
It is okay and healthy to hold these two thoughts at the same time-This is hard stuff; I don’t like it. AND I am strong and powerful; I can do hard things.
And now, my friends, I will brew some more coffee and get back to packing.
I am on the verge of a new adventure.
Theresa Winn is a certified life coach and spiritual director. When she’s not battling dark thoughts and having anxiety attacks, she is an overall Badass. Her next book, “Bye-Bye Boobs-Breast Cancer, Boobectomies and Badassery” is in the works. Enjoyed this article? Show you support by buying her a cuppa.
