Cancer Clarified my Purpose in Life! Ha-not really

I attended a talk last night about living a life of intentionality and simplicity. I am a moth to light on that topic, so I was eager to hear what he had to say. I’ve been a professional organizer for many years, so I am always on the prowl to learn more and be inspired.

He lost me on his first point. There were six of them. The first one was “find your passion”. Uh, yeah, DISCONNECT. Oh, it’s sounds good alright, but in my imagination, I could picture big question marks pop up over the heads of the audience. Maybe even a few big WTF thought bubbles here and there.

How does one find their passion? Find their purpose in life? Wake up joyful in the morning because, by golly, you have FOUND YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE!

Insert quote from Mark Twain here.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”

I’d like to say since my breast cancer diagnosis, I had an epiphany on my life’s purpose. Sort of like Jimmy Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life. And let’s throw in a Friedrich Nietzsche quote:

“If you know the why, you can live anyhow.”

Yes! I’ve figured it out! I’ve been granted a new lease on life thanks to the double boobectomy and now chemotherapy. (And dammit, it STILL feels surreal to be writing those words.)

My experience has been this. I got a breast cancer diagnosis on January 6, 2022. My previous plans for the year were to rebuild my life after ending a 32-year marriage only months earlier. And this is just one of the many stressors I had on my plate.

And then I got the cancer diagnosis. The first thing on my mind wasn’t the clarity of my life’s purpose. It was WHAT THE FUCK?

Then there’s the whirlwind of appointments, new language, difficult choices to make and medical trauma in spades.

Existential crisis for sure, but no energy or bandwidth to indulge the luxury of navel gazing and contemplation on finding my purpose in life.

This life is short and fleeting. You realize there are a helluva lot of experiences you want to experience. You want to be around for many years to see future grandbabies grow up.

These sorts of thoughts are all whirring around in your mental blender of anxiety, fear, and scheduling medical appointments.

And say what? I should find my purpose in life while navigating this epic shitstorm?

Get in line and take a number, ye demands!

Please don’t get me wrong. I believe at our core, most of us are seeking to live a Purpose Driven Life. (Hello, best-selling author Rick Warren.)

In my work as both an organizer and a life coach, I have found most people haven’t a clue. Most of us are so stressed just trying to put food on the table and get the kids off to soccer practice.

So, let’s just add a little more pressure to the mix: FIND YOUR PURPOSE. NOW! I can almost feel the injection of the stress hormone cortisol just typing that.

It’s just not that cut and dry people. And anyone who has an easy guide to discovering your purpose is selling something.

Finding your purpose, your voice, your song, after a lifetime of society indoctrination, arbitrary rules of propriety, suppression of creativity and the pressure to get more toys and trinkets, is no small thing.

But it’s not impossible. But we need to be thinking crock pot and not microwave.

I think of it as a lifelong treasure hunt. Will the real Theresa please stand up? Will the real YOU please stand up?

It takes profound courage to explore this topic because the pressures are legion to conform to others’ expectations.

I love my organizing work because I believe it illustrates the point.

That clutter overwhelming your house isn’t the issue. The addiction to shopping isn’t the bedrock issue either. It’s the internal clutter, unhealed trauma and unlived dreams that’s driving the behavior that does not serve you well.

It’s a process to pick through these things and it needs to be done slowly and with great love and self-compassion. There’s a lot of damage to heal.

I believe it isn’t about FIND your purpose but rather FINDING your purpose. It’s an active, ongoing process that takes a lifetime. You don’t arrive here; you journey through life.

This approach helps me to breathe and get centered when I feel growing pressure to figure out everything…especially my “purpose in life.”

After my sister died of leukemia many years ago, I used to think I don’t want to wait for a serious diagnosis to find my purpose in life.

Then I get the diagnosis and I’m still befuddled. (If I had a nickel for every time I heard a client say something like “I’m sixty years old and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up,” I’d be rolling in the dough.)

I remind myself to breathe. I am enough. Right here, right now. I am alive. I can relax and not find my value in my goals or what I do.

What if the purpose of life is….to simply enjoy life? To laugh more with loved ones. Linger over a flower garden. Savor a sip of your favorite beverage.

Finding your purpose requires being present in the moment. It’s not an event that has a five-year planning horizon.

It’s not about doing more, it’s about discovering the unique, amazing human being that you are.

This takes a lifetime.