Cancer is a Process

AND BEING OVERLY NICE PLAYS A ROLE

It’s all connected, people. The trauma in your childhood. Your nice persona. Stress. Environmental pathogens. And malignant cells that escape the sweep of your immune system.

We are like raindrops on a pond. Each small drop ripples out through the entire pond, affecting it in its entirety.

I am convinced that I the stress I lived under for several years preceding the ultimate demise of my 3+ decades marriage contributed to the cancer that took up residency in both my breasts.

Nor am I surprised that the cancer showed up in a place proximal to my heart… the center for so much caring and over-caring, psychic pain and unhealed trauma.

Eve Ensler, now called V, was the brilliance behind the Vagina Monologues and a stage 4 uterine cancer survivor. She asked, “Do I have rape cancer?” If you’re familiar with her story, you know V endured years of sexual violence as a child.

Her insight to connect the trauma with later disease manifestation was no fluke. Science continues to confirm the connection between trauma and stress to illness.

If you haven’t read about the ACE study, Adverse Childhood Experiences, I urge you to do so. It shows a clear correlation between stressful events experienced in childhood and its impact upon health later in life. Like 30–40–50 years later. (!)

Another contributing factor to health issues are repressed emotions. Especially anger. Wooo-weee. This is a biggie for me. I grew up hearing, “You shouldn’t feel that way!” and “Be nice!”

Saying yes when you want to say no. Yep. That too.

Trading in your authenticity for the need to feel approval. Check a roni.

How about tending to others’ needs at the expense of your own unmet needs?

Then let’s talk about the relentless stress faced by most of us these days. Inflation. Hateful politics. And I feel like I am watching the wheels fall off of so many loved ones in the wake of two hellish Covid years.

In filling out the paperwork to meet with a new therapist, I listed out my current stressors. They are legion. From relationship issues to getting back on my feet financially to cancer recovery and oh, hello, return of fibromyalgia symptoms.

The accumulative and compounding effects of these interactions cannot be understated.

Not saying any of these things out of victimhood. Rather as an observation. That must be the first step in changing. Recognizing things as they are and not trying to sugarcoat or minimize them.

And then seeing the need for changes, some of which need to be drastic.

The pain of staying in these same patterns exceeds the pain of changing.

I can’t take it all on in one fell swoop. Like those little individual raindrops that add up to churning water, I must prioritize and then act on one issue at a time. (And this is where a therapist can be extraordinarily helpful.)

First on my list is learning to tend to my own needs with self-love and compassion. This has been a work in progress for many years. But the old programming dies hard. In the past, I’ve tried to change by beating myself up and self-criticism. I have also found that will power can take me only so far.

Changing my internal dialogue to one of empowerment and acceptance of who I am-flaws and all-are key.

This is serious shit! The latest research specifically shows the connection between stress and cancer recurrence. (Like any of us are unaware already of the deleterious effects of stress on health, right?)

Please take time to ponder your truths before a serious health issue forces you to do so.

“Being nice” does not mean allowing boundaries to be breached. Or saying yes when you really want to say no. It does not mean tolerating relationships that drain your energy. Or staying in a job you hate out of misguided loyalty.

I am cheered that I am recognizing these patterns and know that I can change. Our brains are remarkably malleable. New habits can be learned.

And these are all qualities that will support my efforts at good health and hopefully keep any cancer recurrence at bay.

It’s not easy. But it’s harder not to.

Thanks so much for reading. You can find me around the internet at www.theresawinn.com, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. If you’d like to support my healing journey in a small way, feel free to buy me a coffee.