I Am All That Matters in My World

And Other Self-Centered Lies

I was in the laundromat the other day. It was busy, and the floor was littered with fabric softener sheets and lint. Stale cigarette smoke hung in the air. A toddler is stretched out on a folding table, emersed in his phone.

I can hardly wait to get out of there. 30 minutes says the washer timer. While I’m standing there an old woman, who bore a startling resemblance to that obnoxious “mean Martha” in the Medicare commercials. (Go ahead and look it up, I’ll wait for you. *takes sip of coffee*)

The woman snaps, “This place is filthy.” Oh my. Is this crabapple the real Martha?

I agree, noting her dog of unknown breeding sitting in the one remaining laundry cart. I make a note to be sure not to use that cart for my clean laundry.

“Yeah, and here I am without my mask,” I said, offering what I thought was a lighthearted and benign comment. (I also made a note to get back to my car to get my mask. After a round of Covid and two rounds of flu, I am stepping up my vigilance as much as I am weary of masks.)

Her eyes turn to steel. “You know masks don’t work, don’t you?”

WTAF?

I felt sucker punched. I threw up my hands and said “whatever” and walked away.

I later overheard her telling a man that her dog wasn’t a service dog, she just puts the vest on him when she wants to take the dog in anywhere.

This seems to be the new norm anywhere. Whatever you want to do, just bend the rules and call it good. Never mind that your behavior can negatively affect someone else. (Loud midnight party neighbors, I’m talking to you too.) Offer incendiary remarks at will.

And of course, there is nowhere like social media where one can cut one’s teeth on the art of rude, self-centered and self-righteous behavior.

Ask for recommendations on a chocolate chip cookie recipe and someone is bound to interject why chocolate is bad for you and, clearly, you are a hapless fool for wanting to make them.

Cue to ad hominen attack on your character.

My god people. When is this going to stop?

I try to look past behaviors to see the person. Sometimes I am successful at this, sometimes not. And now sometimes I just walk away.

People are stressed to the gills for a multitude of reasons. And when people are scared, they tend to lash out.

What’s even worse is when people cling to their non-working paradigms and will defend them to the death. It’s too scary to admit that they might be wrong.

We’ve lost our ability to discourse and honor one another who holds different views.

Social media and the behind-the-scenes social engineering that fuels outrage is by design. Let me say that again: It is by design. We are being played.

Just find the thing that pisses you off and the algorithms god will hand deliver to you a multitude of reasons you’re not even pissed enough. It will fuel your indignation and turn everyone else that doesn’t agree with you into an “other”.

The lack of an inner life and guarded egos have us living at the Lizard brain level.

Quick primer. The amygdala AKA the lizard brain, is the part of your brain that functions on a very basic level. It asks three questions: Can I eat it? Can it eat me? And Can I mate with it?

That’s it. It’s primal. And it has served us well over the course of human development.

It would seem we are de-evolving. The higher brain functions and heart centered goodness that brings empathy and compassion are silently waiting in the back corner of the room, waiting to be heard.

Hasn’t history taught us repeatedly anytime we treat others as, well, others, we set the stage for war? Both individually and globally.

Unless we turn off the constant stream of negativity into our souls via media and social media and realize that we are all in this together, we are doomed to continue our descent into a Mad Max world.

How we got to this place today has been intentional and controlled by the power wielding wizards behind the curtain. They want to keep their power and what better way than to keep people outraged. To promise safety and security-if we just obey.

It’s all a big steaming pile of bovine scatology and we need to see it for the lie that it is.

How do you counter the screaming voices?

I wish I had some profound answer to this. An easy 1–2–3 guide to taking back civility.

The ego loves 1–2–3 guides! And if it doesn’t work, you shift the blame to someone or something else. The ego loves to whisper-it’s not your fault.’

But it is not the solution

What IS the solution for what ails us is within the reach of every person. But it is difficult because it requires honesty with one’s self and the willingness to examine your life and own up to your own selfishness and blindness. To acknowledge the damaging behaviors you’ve took part in-both toward yourself and others.

Yep. We all got that lurking in our shadows.

And you know what? This is okay. But we mustn’t let our lower selves run the show.

But before we take up arms and try to fix things, we must first heal our own wounds. We must ask the lizard brain to take the back seat. (It is pretty handy for alerting us to danger but it’s a disaster guide for day-to-day living.)

If we want peace in the world, we must first start with peace within ourselves.

“This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine,” goes the childhood song. And it’s true.

Small acts of kindness, a smile, letting the rude asshole pass you on the highway (without subjecting your loved ones in the car to a barrage of cussing).

All each small drops of water. Drops of kindness. Drip, drip, drip.

One of my favorite teachers, the late Thich Nhat Hanh taught these simple truths. If we want to bring peace into a situation, we must first be at peace ourselves.

Good lord. Someone pass me the smelling salts. This stuff truly blows my mind.

We must also increase our awareness of the goodness of people. We are swimming in it, really. But if we are so focused on being offended and looking at the negative, we will never see the forest through the trees.

I hope you never get a cancer diagnosis like I received, but I DO wish you could receive the level of kindness and generosity I received during my treatment.

It is sometimes hard to look past the sneers and nastiness that seems to prevail.

But we must if we are going to turn this shit show around.

If you’re inclined to New Year’s resolutions or any form of intention setting, I pray peace and kindness will lead you to your path.

Thanks so much for reading. You can find me around the internet at www.theresawinn.com, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. If you’d like to support my writing in a small way, feel free to contribute to my wishlist. (Right now it’s for website help that I desperately need!)