I Will Not Shut Up

You’d Think I’d Learn… NOT!

Maybe I’m not as thick skinned as I like to think I am. But here it is-I got seriously pissed over a stoopid sticker.

I realized it triggered me so I’ve been asking myself why do I find this sticker so offensive?

Build up or shut up, it said. It had a Bible verse next to it.

I looked up the Scripture reference:

Ephesians 4:29–32 (New International Version)

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

The Message, a paraphrase version I prefer, put it this way:

29 Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

Am I the only one who sees the irony in their choice of words for interpreting this Bible verse?

Build up or shut up? Really?

Perhaps it is because when I was raising my kids, I had “shut up” in the curse words category. Not because the words are intrinsically bad, but to tell someone to shut up is incredibly rude and dismissive.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve told some people and yes, my kids a time or two to “shut up” but it is always out of frustration.

So, there’s that.

The other part of my panties getting into a wad over this was because this is something my old church would have distributed this sticker with great aplomb, thinking themselves so clever with their distilled version of the verse.

Yay, you for your cleverness.

Um. No.

This church that I was part of had a strict “no gossip” policy. Yeah, I get it. I abhor gossip myself and avoid it at all costs. Unless it’s really juicy. (Haha, just kidding, though I hear Ken is stepping out on Barbie)

What this policy really meant at this toxic establishment was that anything that conflicted with the party line was banished. This included even benign comments or opinions that may be deemed oppositional.

For example. They wanted me to shut up when I recommended a couple get marriage therapy for their rocky relationship.

What was wrong with that, you ask?

They had already admonished the couple to only seek “biblical counseling” from the (non-qualified) “church counselors.” These were not mental health professionals but rather homegrown, appointed leaders for whom fealty to leadership was their biggest qualification.

I wish I had the balls back then to tell them where to stuff their “biblical” counseling. Oh, btw, the couple ended up divorcing.

Then there was the time my then-husband and I got our wieners whacked for dare discussing some ideas that were considered heretical-in a PRIVATE DISCUSSION. Bloody hell, I can’t even remember what the radical idea may have been, but I would perchance to guess it had something to do with the idea that a marketing plan to launch a big fundraiser for a new shiny building didn’t exactly jibe with Jesus’ mission.

We weren’t shit talking, mind you. Our discussion was out of curiosity and an attempt to reconcile conflicting beliefs around this. How do you build a million-dollar property while there are single moms struggling so? (And remember people, you tithe on your GROSS income, not net you cheapskates!)

Can they do things in a way to honor these two different agendas?

Evidently not. They told us to shut up.

But anyway, how the hell the leadership found out about that discussion still perplexes me. Leadership literally showed up on our doorstep to put us in our place. After leaving us bewildered and chastised, they hot footed over to the equally rebellious coup-seeking troublemakers we had visited with.

Ooooooooh, one of my deep regrets in life is that I didn’t tell them to fuck off when they showed up at our home.

But I was too enmeshed with my religious beliefs, even though the cognitive dissonance that was growing within me was undeniable. Only then I didn’t even know the phrase cognitive dissonance, much less understand what was happening.

Any concern brought up-like the music being too loud and it was hurting ears, especially the few elderly people we had in the congregation who had hearing aids, was considered unsupportive.

Once I suggested, as a musician and singer for many years, that perhaps repeating a chorus 15 times might be a bit much. Yep. They chastised me for not supporting the musical whims of the newly appointed hipster 20-something worship leader.

Geesh. Maybe I still have some more healing to do. This still raises feelings of irritation just recalling.

Or maybe I’m just hunky dory now and have more clarity. Yeah, let’s just go with that.

I am grateful for the good things out of those church years (I miss potlucks too) and am grateful that it also sharpened my bullshit detector. Which is also why my tolerance for reindeer games is NIL.

And also why the church passing out those stickers would bounce me out on my cussing ass.

I will not shut up.

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