My Sweetie Got Covid, I Hope I Don't Get It

Learning To Roll With the Punches When Plans Go Awry

He sent me a picture via text while I was enjoying what was going to be my last day in Michigan before heading back to Arizona.

Well, sheee-it.

We’ve been counting our blessings that so far, we have escaped Covid. Until yesterday.

He’s about four days in symptom-wise in but it was only yesterday that he tested positive. Each day I am testing myself. I have a sore throat but nothing else. I am hoping my vax and boosted status keeps it at bay or, if I get it, keeps symptoms minimal in case that damn virus slips in underneath my immune system radar.

But I’m not holding my breath.

I will admit, my first reaction to this was feeling pissed. Seriously?

This whole past year has been a massive Charlie Foxtrot, if you know what I mean. Between breast cancer and my first full year as a divorced woman and oh so many other losses along the way, ya’d think a girl could catch a break.

It pissed me off that my plans to return to Arizona today were foiled. The plan was for me to head down there and then my sweetie would follow down later.

I have been eager, nah, let’s just call it ANXIOUS to get back in order to get working. I have not worked since March and my bank account is getting pretty thin.

Thanks to the generosity of friends, GoFundMe and the proceeds from the sale of my doublewide, I have kept afloat this past year.

And now another speed bump.

I pushed my new travel date for three weeks down the road. There were several date options, and I tried to calculate in recovery time for myself if I contract Covid. I chose the date that would have been my 34th wedding anniversary. Somehow, I felt it appropriate.

But yeah, I was initially pissed.

Shit, shit, SHIT. WHY? WHY NOW? Haven’t I had enough shit happen this past year? Wah, wah, waaaaaaah.

I need to get working YESTERDAY! My God, everything is going to hell!

What if I’m next to get Covid?! What if I survived breast cancer to be taken out by a stooopid virus?

To quote that sage, Roy Clark, doom, despair and agony on me.

Later in the day, I read an inspirational piece by fellow Medium writer, Colleen Sheehy Orme. The article, A Divorce Lawyer Told Me This, was so timely. She talks about strong women giving up their independence in a marriage that ultimately ends in divorce.

Colleen shares a valuable observation from a divorce attorney:

“I don’t know what is the matter with women,” she says. “I see women like you every day who give their power away to a man.”

“The only good news,” she says. “At least you’re a confident woman.”

I am the woman she is talking about. I stayed home with my kids, ran my home, educated my kids and did my side gigs from writing to professional organizing to coaching. When we needed more income, I knew how to make it happen.

But yet, I totally surrendered my independence by becoming financially dependent on my was-band.

Yep. I was that woman. Trusted in my spouse to provide for our family while I labored at home. Trusted that as we grew old, all would be well. Insert laff track here.

Silly, naïve me. Now I’m 58 and realize it’s time to take myself seriously as a businesswoman-not as a stay-at-home mom doing side hustles.

I loved Colleen’s article because it reminded me that, damn, I AM a strong independent woman. And I CAN run a small business while cooking a dinner for my family, home educating the kids and submitting an article for publication. When sickness was afoot, I also pulled on my nursing skills. I coached, encouraged and loved my family.

I kept a lot of plates spinning, for sure. And I did things far from perfect, but damn, I was pretty capable. And I loved what I was doing.

What does this independence chitchat have to do with Covid? Plenty.

After my momentary meltdown, I considered once again, Colleen’s words.

I have a powerful choice to make.

Victim, angry mode or that of a strong, independent woman?

Covid sucks on so many levels, not denying that.

But I have an opportunity to choose to respond from my Higher Self-not a frightened, angry victim.

How does a strong, independent woman roll with this delay? What does this make possible?

Here’s my short list:

I can care for my sweetie. If I had gotten back to AZ and found out he had Covid, I would have turned around and headed back.

I will have more time with my sister.

I can practice being present with what is instead of what if. This means accepting the reality and saving my emotional energy from useless attempts at controlling things. Easier said than done.

I can also get better at learning how to soothe and comfort the scared parts of me that can spin a catastrophic scenario in a nanosecond.

All will be well, said St. Theresa of Avila many, many years ago. It is the mantra I repeat to myself often.

This also requires that word the ego despises-surrender. Relax, nothing is in control, as the Buddhists put it.

So instead of landing back in the Phoenix valley today, I am embracing the opportunity to find the silver lining. Not in a toxic positivity way-but with empowerment.

I will celebrate a new beginning on that day. I will celebrate that as of today, I have handled every difficult thing thrown at me these past few years.

Every. One. Of. Them.

And I’m still here. Healing, scarred and boobless, strong and independent.

I hope my sweetie recovers quickly. He’s on the anti-viral now and it seems to work. Symptoms have eased a bit. Fingers crossed, I don’t get it, but I know this strain is especially contagious.

But if I do, I will roll with it.

When I stumble with the empowering perspective I wish to embrace, I am blessed beyond measure to have loved ones who remind me I can do this.

And you know what? You can too.

You are stronger than you realize.

Thanks so much for reading. You can find me around the internet at www.theresawinn.com, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. If you’d like to support my writing in a small way, feel free to contribute to my wishlist. (Right now it’s a one-year subscription to Canva.)