Sometimes You Just Gotta Pinch Your Nose

And swallow the unpleasantness

A coaching client asked me a brilliant question during our session a few weeks ago.

What’s the best way to approach something you really don’t want to do but you have to?

Having endured a gray divorce and breast cancer all in one memorable year, I feel qualified to answer this question.

You just do it.

I know that. She knows that. And you know that too.

Damn it, there are no shortcuts through some dark woods.

But let me back up. First, people know what needs to be done. Even when tasked with the most unpleasant of gotta-do’s, I bet you could write out a 1–2–3 list detailing the steps. You could even add in a timeline and specific targets to git ‘er done. Some could even teach on it. Fifteen Hoppin’ Ways to Eat a Frog Mastery Course-only $299! (With bonus seasoning packets, a $45 value.)

And then, uh, humanity shows up. Time to go organize paper clips. Or spend hours trying to convince myself the reasons for NOT doing said task. (Damn good reasons too!) I may spend time scheming my liberation.

I can be very clever at creating stall statics.

I am confident if you’ve been in the game of life for any length of time, you’re familiar with an internal toddler who loves to stomp their feet and pitch a fit over eating peas.

Cancer definitely puts this into a life-or-death situation. I didn’t want to have the girls amputated. I didn’t want to do chemo. I don’t want to take the hormone blocker for the next 5–7 years.

I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I DON’T WANNA.

I didn’t want to divorce.

I didn’t want to end up where I am now.

But I did, and I do. Because the consequences of not doing it can be severe.

What did I do?

First, ask myself, does this REALLY need to be done? Sometimes this provides a way out.

For example, the park model mobile home I bought came with a decommissioned stove. It is propane and hasn’t been used for years. Previous owners had a custom-made cutting board for the top of the stove that makes for extra counter space.

Because I can be a little OCD, I was eyeballing the oven. Eeeeeeew.

I don’t wanna clean it. I’m tired of cleaning up other peoples’ messes.

I snapped the door shut and made an empowering decision. Dirty oven be damned, it’s behind a clean door at least and I’m just going to leave it alone.

Ah. That felt good.

Second, when does it need to be done? Is it NOW or can you put a date on the calendar to allow a little time to ready yourself for the unpleasantness? For a personal example, it was taking steroids the day before chemo. It softened the side effects significantly.

Of course, this can be a tool for procrastination as well, so I offer that with a caveat.

Third. Remind yourself of the consequences of NOT doing it. The more intense feelings you can stir up around this, the better. To use the cancer example, if I don’t follow treatment, I could be dealing with very painful metastasis.

Time to suck it up, Buttercup. You WILL do this.

More every day stuff, if I don’t take out the trash, the house will stink. And here’s a huge DUH realism I have learned since living alone after 32 years of a marriage partnership: If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.

I have pouted and had a few mini tantrums facing shit my wasband used to do. But tough nuggies, I tell myself. Put on your work gloves and get ready to learn how to do “man” stuff.

I am proud that the other day, I had only a mini-meltdown before I gave myself a talking to and figured out why two outlets died.

(I have a bright orange stickie on the microwave reminding me to turn off the space heater before using.)

It comes down to learning how to be a loving but firm parent to ourselves.

Another thing, Nike had it right. Just do it. Accept that it sucks and do it, anyway. I know it’s conflicting. There’s one bad angel over your left shoulder giving you reason to not do it. And the angelic one reminding you that you simply MUST do it.

The two can get into quite the scuffle arguing.

Life is full of conflict and finding peace doesn’t mean the absence of conflict, it’s the acceptance of it.

Another personal example. I am on a trial run of a new hormone blocker. It’s the third one, the side effects from the first two were intolerable.

I don’t want to take it. Right out of the gates, I can feel it messing with my head, like a big black rain cloud has moved in. (Ladies, thinking of your most wicked PMS days will illustrate my struggle.)

But yet I am going to persist and hope the side effect will soften as I adjust because major depression is not on my to-do list for the year.

Each morning, before I take the pill, I hold the bottle to my heart. I apologize to my body for the hormone roller coaster ride it causes. I ask it to please accept its help in preventing cancer recurrence. I send love and compassion to myself.

Might sound kind of woo-woo, but this little ritual helps me to do that which I don’t want to do. And I firmly believe that our bodies listen to what we’re telling it. (I will try this for 2–3 months to see if I can roll with it. If not I will make another decision.)

Oh, one more thing. Is there a little reward you can give yourself for doing the unwanted deed?

Sometimes the accomplishment is the reward. Other times, I look for simple rewards-like buying a new pen. One friend uses stickers, which is a grand idea. Or keep a goal tracker with fun stickers.

Whatever helps you get it done.

And now I must turn a blind eye on the paperclips and practice what I preach.

What are your strategies for getting shit done that you don’t want to do?

Thanks so much for reading. You can find me around the internet at www.theresawinn.com, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. If you’d like to support my writing in a small way, feel free to contribute to my wishlist.