Adjusting to Life's Transitions

Without Losing Your Mind

Liminal space. Threshold. The Messy Middle. The In Between. Or if I get King Jamesy-the TO in “from grace TO grace”.

If you’ve given birth, you know transition labor is the hardest part. It’s that stage connecting pregnancy to holding the new babe in your arms. Severe pain yielding to great joy.

If you’re feeling unmoored, terrified because you are in a sea of uncertainty, congratulations, you are likely in transition. If you feel you are walking around with a big WTF?! hanging over your head, yup. Transition.

Wait. Scratch that. Transitions in life are part of life and they are always happening. Even as I write and you read, we are transitioning from birth to, well, you know.

It’s in the fine print that came with your birth. Good thing they didn’t tell you that then, because most of us would never depart the womb. But nature being nature, that would be too crowded and eventually the pain of a crowded in utero existence would get too gnarly and we’d be screaming for sweet release.

Transitions are tough stuff. It’s the time waiting between the biopsy and the results that can turn you from a healthy person to a cancer patient. (Even if you’re a healthy cancer patient!) It’s waiting for the divorce finalization. It’s the what-the-hell-do-I-do-now after a job loss. The death of a loved one. A move across the country.

You don’t have to look far to see the many ways this life is really all about transitions.

Right now, I feel like I am in transition overload. I’ve had so many changes this past year and this next year is looking tumultuous as I venture forth in my new boobless life.

As a trauma survivor, times of transition are especially frightening because it feels unsafe. Will I be okay? What if this doesn’t work out? Wake me up when this is over, eh?

Finding rest and peace during transition is a new skill I am developing. I must recognize all the negative chatter screaming at me. I am learning to soothe the waiting for the other shoe to drop fear.

The next big transition I am facing is launching my business again. Cue to voices of self-doubt and bullshitty excuses. I know where I am right now and know where I want to be, but here I am in the messy middle.

My approach to this, however, is different now. Yes, it is still scary. And yes, it might not work. This is really important because as much as the self-improvement gurus teach “Positive Vibes Only,” years of experience have taught me I can put be a little beacon of positive vibes and shit still happens.

How am I navigating this transitional period in my life? The order doesn’t matter, but here are a few things that have helped me.

First-I recognize that transition is part of life. It’s normal.

Second-Take a Valium. Just kidding. But yeah, the urge to numb because of the discomfort can be strong. And it was the reason driving my decision to quit wine drinking. Numbing might help short term but it will likely prolong the transition.

Seriously, when the overwhelm gets to be too much, I find exercise the most helpful. Even a simple walk around the block. You know what works for you.

Third-I keep the vision in front of me. Visualize a successful business. Imagine how good it will feel to lose weight/start a new life after divorce/unpack things in my new home/etc.

Fourth-Get help. Could be a therapist, life coach or spiritual director. I’ve used all three at different stages in life. That’s why I have not lost my ever-loving mind so far (though some would say this is debatable).

It’s easy to get weighed down in the in-between time and think things will ALWAYS be this way.

They won’t.

No matter how dark or shitty it may feel right now, I promise you: This too shall pass.

Thanks so much for reading. You can find me around the internet at www.theresawinn.com, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. If you’d like to support my writing in a small way, feel free to buy me a coffee.