Seek and Ye Shall Find a Beginning in the Ending

It’s There if You Look

Introduction

At this point in my life, I've become somewhat of an expert at endings. If you've been following my journey at all, you know that in the past year; I ended my marriage, had a double mastectomy due to breast cancer, re-homed my beloved cat, Ruthie, and sold my home and car. Oh, I lost a bunch of hair too (thanks, chemo). But endings are not what I want to focus on right now. I want to talk about the possibilities that arise from loss. What I am learning is that endings are not the end. They are merely transitions that lead to new beginnings. And while we may mourn the loss of something or someone, we must also acknowledge our own power and strength in order to move forward into uncharted territory.

But first, a word about grief.

Grief is a bitch. It's not something we can avoid or ignore, especially with the loss of our health, loved ones, and homes. Sometimes the grief is overwhelming and all-consuming. Our minds, bodies, or hearts cannot contain the enormity of what has happened.

So please, don't try to leap-frog over this important step in healing. I have been the queen of "Look on the Bright Side" (read: repress much?) and it has not served me well when it arises from a place that denies the pain.

The grief won't last forever. But it is also on its own schedule and patience is important.

It's not about the ending. It's about the new beginning.

I love the dramatic photos from Sir Ernest Shackleton's Antarctic exploration. The ship Endurance was crushed by sea-ice and sunk to the bottom of the Weddell Sea in 1915. The story of survival is mind-boggling.

For two years, the men survived conditions unimaginable to most. But under Shackleton's leadership, they found a new beginning in what most would take as an ending.

And now, even over a hundred years later, it is easy to be inspired by their story.

"It is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end," Sir Ernest Shackleton.

The best is yet to come. And it starts right now.

First, there must be a willingness to change. How fun is that? Uh-huh. Yeah, right? Change is HARD!

Why are we so resistant to change? Oh, yes, I see that hand in the back of the class. Great question.

Better the devil you know than the one you don't, they say. Whoever the hell "they" are. The thought of change rattles our security cage.

What if it doesn't work out? These words bounce around in my head, loudly at times. In a nanosecond, I have the remarkable ability to catastrophize with the best of them.

I will end up unloved, infested with fleas, friendless and living under a bridge with no ibuprofen. *Shudder* Seriously, it's a little embarrassing to admit to the dark and ridiculous places my mind will go.  

I am not only waiting for the other shoe to drop, it's an entire shoe store (one that specializes in steel toed "shit-kicker" boots). When I'm in this frame of mind, I retreat into victim mode, despair and…wait for it…wait for it…I do nothing. Inaction. Jesus, take the whole damn car.

That's about the time I would uncork a bottle of Merlot.

And the not-so-merry-go-round continues.

How about asking different and empowering questions:

What if it does work? What does this ending make possible? Ah. That feels a little better.

You may find more energy because you're not pouring it into a toxic relationship. It is possible to find a job that pays more and is more enjoyable. You allow for the possibility of a bright future, starting with the present moment.

This takes work. It takes practice and patience to retrain negative thinking patterns. The good news? Every moment provides the opportunity to shift your focus and beliefs. To have a fresh start.

It also takes discernment because there is a vast difference between toxic positivity versus shifting your perspective to an empowering one that is heart-led and brain informed. This is where a skilled therapist can be enormously helpful.

There is always a new beginning after an ending. Hold on to that hope.

There is always a new beginning after an ending. Hold on to that hope. If you feel your life is over and all has gone dark, know this: You are not alone.

Endings are part of life and something we all experience. For me, it was all the losses I listed above. Here are some of the hopeful beginnings I've found in the endings.

While I said goodbye to my deepest and most cherished relationship, I found loving friendships that have carried me through these past few years. Indeed, I've been reduced to tears many, many times because of the kindness of people-some of whom were strangers.

Bye-bye boobs, hello, new lease on life. I am cancer-free.

Another new beginning-I am in a healthy, loving relationship-something I never saw coming. This would not have been possible if I didn't separate and then divorce. I absolutely believe that Tom appeared in my life because something inside me drew a line in the sand and said no more to the unhappy marriage.

The goodbye turned to hello.

Goodbye, wine. This is HUGE. I was using wine to numb the emotional and psychic pain. It also initiated some destructive conversations that I deeply regret. And helllooooo, as a former cancer patient, I understand alcohol increases the risk of some forms of cancer-including breast cancer. I lied to myself that red wine is actually good for my health, so if one glass is good, a bottle is even better.

I knew my relationship with alcohol had to end. My new beginning-I am thinking clearer. I am processing the trauma and pain instead of numbing it. Bonus point-I'm dropping some of the pounds I gained during cancer treatment.

Oh, and trips to the booze store are a thing of the past, something my budget appreciates. Hello, more money in my pocket.

Conclusion

There is always a new beginning after an ending. Nature teaches this truth. The caterpillar turns into a butterfly. The leaves fall from the trees to become mulch for new growth in the spring.

Nature also teaches there is a pause in between an ending and a new beginning. This is where the magic happens. But we try to push through those moments because they are uncomfortable. Use the time to breathe and remember it's normal.

You know what you need to end. You can do it; I am confident of this.

We can trust the process.

Thanks so much for reading. You can find me around the internet at www.theresawinn.com, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. If you'd like to support my writing in a small way, feel free to buy me a coffee.

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