Committing to Love and Forgiveness
Even When You Feel Like Slappin’ the Assholes
Has there ever been a time when this country has been so divided over a president as there is now? Winning by a razor’s edge, the split is right down the middle.
In everyday conversation, I catch snippets of conversation that show one’s allegiance. But this goes much, much deeper than a tomato/to-mah-toe difference.
My gross oversimplification of the cause? Collective anger and rage over the increasingly difficult struggle to survive. Out of control housing costs, full-time jobs that don’t cover living costs, health care nightmares, and so on and so forth.
How to fix these things? And here is where the fur flies.
I am beyond horrified that we have a rapist-elect coming back to office, and he is dead set on taking a wrecking ball to democracy, while his supporters cheer. Is this what “draining the swamp” looks like? Billionaire appointees with a history of sexual offense, dubious allegiances, and God-only knows what shady business dealings.
I sense his followers are waiting with the same expectation of an angry sibling waiting for the brother to get his just deserts. Dad’s coming home and boy, are you going to get it. He’s going to take off his belt and, by god, restore all that is right and just.
Or to use a bumper sticker that has made me laugh but not so much anymore as I feel it reflects the lack of compassion and judgement found in evangelical MAGAs: Jesus is coming back and boy, is he pissed.
It is deeply challenging to me to keep my own sense of rage from engaging in the maelstrom and from demonizing Trump supporters. (You may have noticed I have some strong feelings. <smile>)
As one committed to a path of love and forgiveness, I must reframe how I will regard the next four years, and especially those who wildly differ with my values and views.
I must learn to direct my anger and other strong emotions into action I can take without engaging in useless arguments and fuming over the outrage-du jour.
The actions I discuss are internal ones. And while these are not a substitute for taking action-action when needed (like calling your congressional representative, standing in solidarity with the marginalized, etc.) Positive change in a society starts with positive change in the individual. Ergo…
I wanted to change the world
When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world
I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.
When I found I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.
Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family.
My family and I could have made an impact on our town.
Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.
– Written by an unknown Monk around 1100 A.D.
Fun fact for Christians! Jesus never engaged in political wrangling or campaigns to Make Jerusalem Great Again! His focus was always, always, ALWAYS on the individual and their inner transformation through love and grace.
From this basis I ask myself, just how do I interface with fellow humans and the encroaching massive storm clouds over this nation?
Here’s what I came up with.
1. Recognize Each Person as the Beloved of God
We are all God’s children and we are all worthy of love. Period.
Our shared humanity joins us all, past, present, and future.
2. Be Curious, Not Judgmental
Assuming I understand the motives of another person is not only arrogant, it gives me a free pass from truly listening to someone while enjoying my own sense of superiority.
I must cultivate empathy and accept that others, like myself, also act out of pain, ignorance or unmet needs. This doesn’t mean condoning unacceptable behaviors, by the way.
3. Opportunity for Spiritual Growth
Everyone you will encounter today can be your teacher. Some are examples of how not to be, while others can inspire us to live a better life.
Ask, what am I meant to learn from this interaction? How can I respond in a way that is congruent with my spiritual path?
5. Look for Common Ground
No matter how different that person may seem, we are all driven by a need for love and security.
Understand they too are kept awake at night by the anxiety that goes bump in the night.
6. Letting Go of My Ego and its Desire to Control
Monitoring my ego-driven reactions when I am feeling disrespected or threatened.
Resisting the desire to correct the error of someone else’s way. Especially when they want to correct their perceived error of my ways.
8. Forgiving as a Spiritual Practice
Recovering from infidelity, divorce and breast cancer has been good practice for the forgiveness muscle. The cool thing about forgiveness, the more you extend, the more is available. And the more peace you will find.
Forgiveness isn’t a one-and-done. It requires daily practice.
9. Refuse to Hate
This includes the temptation to belittle, name call and, well, pretty much any of the behavior modeled from the top.
Learn from the actions of non-violent leaders from the past, like Martin Luther King, Ghandi, or Jesus Christ.
10. What is Mine to do?
My teacher, Richard Rohr, reminds me to discern between what is mine to do and what is distraction. I cannot change what’s happening in the White House, but I can endeavor to be the change I wish to see in my small corner of the world.
Look for opportunity for acts of kindness. Stand in solidarity with the marginalized. Refuse to look away from those who are suffering. Focus on what I can do and stop wringing my hands in helplessness over the bigger picture.
I admit. There is part of me that wishes I could plant a colony on another planet and just leave all the angst and fear behind. There would be rigorous standards to join. But alas, being human… where ever we go, there we are. Complete with our human frailties. Dammit. It all points back to the need for personal change and transformation.
Some days, my higher self prevails and I get through a day without being an asshole. Other days, in either thought, word or deed, the asshole prevails. Which, of course, points me back to the need for grace, because I sure as hell can’t do this by force of will.
The path this nation embarks on is one that must begin in each individual. It is incumbent upon us all. Future generations are depending upon us.
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