Preventing ADHD Overload During the Holidays

Start by Recognizing the Three Types of Clutter

It’s beginning to look a lot like chaos! (Sung to the tune of It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas.) Yup. It’s that time of the year again. But before you fill your home with the dulcet sounds of Bing Crosby’s White Christmas, let’s talk about preparing for the holidays and how to keep from losing your frickin’ mind. Especially if you have ADHD!

No, clutter goes much deeper than the stuff. I view clutter as multi-sensory and classify it into three categories: home, head, and heart. Here are the thumbnail descriptions of the types, how they show up in your home, and how to banish those clutter demons to the outer darkness (or to your annoying family member, your choice!):

Home-This refers to the stuff. There’s too much of it and too little time to stay on top of it. It causes a slow drip of cortisol and can paralyze the best of intentions. What makes this even worse is the fact that you already know how to do it… you just can’t summon the will to do so. And then you feel like coal in a Christmas stocking.

Stress Triggers:

Waking up the decorations from their off-season slumber can feel like a tidal wave of disorganization, especially if your tinsel is in a tangle and the lights are a gaggle of knots.

And then there is the flood of stuff, from small to large. The Dollar Store platter bearing cookies that you just can’t bear to toss because it’s in perfectly good condition. Or the new big-ticket item to replace the last one… only you can’t bear to part with the last one, just in case.

Suggestions:

Declutter before the holidays, you know the drill! And when you’re digging through the box of decorations, don’t be afraid to give the heave-ho to items you’ve not used for the past few years.

Remember the “One In, One Out” Rule. Yes, I know your Instapot still works even though one foot broke off and you must shore it up anytime you use it. But if you’re replacing it with the screamin’ Black Friday deal new Instapot, take a deep breath and part with the old. Ditto for smaller items like clothing or miscellaneous household doo-dads.

Create a command center for gift wrapping and decoration unpacking. Think, a guest room for your seasonal overflow. This will help keep the rest of your home tidy.

Remember, it’s time to deck the halls, not your stress levels.

Head-Hello, busy squirrels in my ADHD brain. But this also refers to a calendar void of any white space, every hour of every day, packed. This also refers to the overly ambitious list of projects and goals.

Stress Triggers:

A calendar that’s too full of making merry does not a bring merriment, it brings stress. Prioritize the activities and practice flexing your NO muscle. If the neighborhood cookie exchange has become an obligation that causes you to sigh when you see the date approaching, I promise you, it’s okay to bow out. Besides, you didn’t even like half the cookies you’d receive!

Overcommitment is like the frenzy of a cat taking down the tree. It was fun for a short bit (at least for the cat), but now there’s new chaos to tame.

I realize this can be especially challenging with kid activities. For many years, I thought of the holidays as “Nutcracker season” since my daughter was in ballet. Kids’ activities were always the priority, which made it easy to turn down an office party that I didn’t want to attend anyway.

Suggestions:

Create a visual calendar, whatever works for you. I’ve used Google Calendar with designated colors. Keep this simple too. A simple red, yellow, green approach can help you decide which activities are priority. Or use colors for each person. And remember, white is a color too. Be sure there is enough of it between activities.

I also love using sticky notes on a paper or whiteboard calendar, too. If I feel an anxiety attack coming on when I stand back and look at it, it may be time to reevaluate the list of activities. Ask yourself, “Will this bring me joy or overwhelm?”

Finally, use sticky notes or the alarm on your phone to help you manage time.

Heart-This is “emotional” clutter. The soul sucking job. The toxic relationships in need of either severance or razor wire boundaries. Or the intolerable situations that you continue to tolerate (we women are especially good at this!).

Stressors:

Ooooooh, the holidays amp this up bigly when tense family dynamics are as predictable as Aunt Martha’s lumpy gravy. Because ADHD brains are more sensitive to heightened emotions, this can fertilizer to anxiety.

I’ve known more than one woman who has years of built up resentment for being the de facto Christmas dinner host. But hey! They have the big dinner table and china right? Should be a no-brainer! Which leads me to…

Suggestions:

Boundaries, baby, boundaries. If you’ve decided ten years of ho-ho-hosting the family dinner is enough, it’s time to say NO. Who knows? You may even start a new tradition that is less stress, more fun.

There have been a few years, especially after the kids were leaving the nest, that I let Cracker Barrel do the cooking. It was wonderful.

Conversation getting tense around the table? Treat the bloviating uncle like a god-awful Jell-O salad from the fifties. You can acknowledge it, but you don’t need to partake. Gee, the tuna and shredded cabbage in that cherry Jell-O looks intriguing, but I’m going to pass. (What the hell were they smoking when some of those culinary abominations were created?)

They don’t take the hint? Fling a glob of mashed taters their way. Just kidding. But do that only in your imagination. It may just ratchet down the annoyance factor.

Meanwhile, focus on conversation with those who don’t drain your energy. Or busy yourself by puttering in the kitchen.

I also use positive self-talk to remind myself, I can’t change them, but I can change my response. This is just a few hours once a year, I can handle it. I remind myself of my fortitude when I recall how I successfully tackled more than one Blue Light Special back in the days of K-Mart. (For those of you too young to remember those, I am sorry. They were great fun. Think bargain hunting with Hulk Hogan.)

Finally!

The holidays and clutter can go together like Santa’s milk and cookies. It can turn a holly, jolly Christmas into a Silent Night of despair. But by recognizing these three categories of clutter, it can help you simplify the season and make the Yule log burn brighter. Well, maybe not so much on the log, but you get my drift.

Clearing the clutter allows space for what really matters: celebrating life and our loved ones with peace and joy.

Now, THAT sounds like a Merry Christmas!

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