How To Make A Poor Decision-Four Easy Steps
In recovering from cancer treatment, I violated one of my life's rules. This rule:
Never make a big decision under stress.
This is the woman who refuses to make any purchase over $100 without sleeping on it. Yet here I am, reeling a bit from the consequences of some bigly decisions.
To recount: Ended an almost 33 years marriage last year. Got diagnosed with cancer a few short weeks after the divorce finalization. Prior to these events, I separated from my then husband, moved to a different city and started a new job. And there's twists and turns and unpleasant surprises in between these events.
On the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, I scored well, pretty fucking high.
So, what the hell was I doing making the big decision to sell my home, my car, and venture out on a huge road trip in a rental car that ended up being an albatross?
(Insert big sigh here.)
Blame it on chemo brain. Blame it on my old childhood trauma pattern to RUN when the stress is on. Blame it on, eh, it doesn't matter. I made some big decisions in violation of my rule.
If I had to do it over again (which I can't, but for conversation's sake,) I would have stayed put in Phoenix for a little more time, NOT sold my Prius, and THEN venture out to Michigan to be with my Tom.
I don't know about you but I get weary of "learning opportunities" when I screw up, but yet here it is again… another learning opportunity. Dammit.
This brings me to another rule I try to live by: don't beat yourself up when you take a misstep. Or something like that anyway.
But before I go there and because my article is titled, "How to make a poor decision," let me break it down:
1. Make decision under stress when your lizard brain is all fired up and shouting over your prefrontal cortex- (the part of the brain for evaluating and thinking.)
2. Spend a chunk of money you hadn't planned on (I'm looking at you, Hertz.)
3. Scramble with consequences of poor decision. (Looking at you again, Hertz and your shitty company management.)
4. Beat yourself up. Oh wait. That leads me to my other life's rule.
Quit beating yourself up.
This is where I am at right now. Stop doing that and start doing this:
First, I remind myself of something my dear friend and mentor, Chris Davis, used to say, "You cannot make a mistake." Another friend used to say, "If you make a bad decision, make another decision."
There's a lot to unpack with either of those statements, and just typing them helps my butt unclench.
I am also reminded of God's presence in whatever circumstance I am in-self-induced or foisted on me against my will. This is a heart approach and my brain/ego really fights against this.
Next is to accept the consequences. (And try not to weep when I look at my bank account.) Let the dust settle, eat something, and try to get a good night's sleep. Mom was right, things always look better in the morning.
Which brings me to where I am right now: breathe and take stock of things. Apply abundant self-compassion in the same way you would console a friend in a similar situation.
And then breathe some more. Go for a walk in the woods. (That picture of me up above is after doing just that.) Calm down. And vow to never, EVER rent a car again.
Funny thing about that pic, I was just breathing fire over the phone to Hertz minutes before Tom got me laughing and then snapped this picture.
I'm loving being back in my hometown, being with Tom and starting things fresh once again. Which means not looking over my shoulder. Again.
I will make more poor decisions in the future because I am human. Or let's just even say decisions that yield displeasing results to remove the shame language of "poor decision."
When I do, I must not turn into an angry victim by brooding. But rather take a deep breath… and make another decision.
That decision for me right now is to NOT make any more big decisions for a while.
PS In case you're wondering about what happened with Hertz, here's the thumbnail: They switched cars on me, doubling my gas budget. I had to pay for an oil change while en route. I discovered the windshield wipers were crap while driving in drizzle. The biggest insult was the time spent trying to contact human to sort things out. One decision I have made: I will never do business with them again.
