What It's Like Being Boobless In A Busty World
Ever wonder what it’s like to have your boobs amputated? After receiving a breast cancer diagnosis, I wondered too. But then I REALLY wondered after further imagining revealed the other breast had to go too.
The surgeon told me I was not a candidate for a lumpectomy. (That’s when they just removed the tumor and leave the breast intact.) My keloid-scarred left breast meant she couldn’t do a lumpectomy on that one. The diffuse nature of 3 tumors in the right also meant saying tah-tah to that ta-ta.
Because of these factors, I was not a candidate for reconstruction. I was grateful that I did not need to sort through another decision. Once you get a cancer diagnosis, you face educating yourself and learning about treatment options. It’s a lot, and I mean a LOT, to take in.
So yeah. I told the surgeon, “Away with them!” She was relieved that eagerly accepted my fate.
I had several weeks before surgery so I contemplated what will it would be like to have my breasts removed.
Now that I am four months post mastectomy, I no longer wonder. This has been my world. Here’s what it is like:
It’s weird. I have scars where my breasts once were. Getting used to the appearance is an adjustment. I am as flat as an ironing board and can easily feel my ribs.
I massage oil into my scars morning and night. I am hoping to prevent keloid formation. Keloids are basically scar overgrowth. And they are painful and itchy and love to devour healthy skin. Having dealt with these for years, I am being very proactive with massage and using silicone dressings.
The flatness makes for weird sensations too. Like laying on your tummy. There is no cushioning from breasts, so it is ribs to mattress. Hugs also feel different. I like to think of them as heart-to-heart hugs now.
The next big thing I learned-no one notices or cares that I am flat, flat, flat. I was never busty anyway, so it’s not a big deal. I often think of something Dale Carnegie wrote in “How to Quit Worrying and Start Living,” and that was that most people care more about a hangnail that is bothering them than your issues. I have found this to be true.
How do my clothes fit? This is something a lot of women worry about, but I have found it’s not a big deal. 99% of my clothes still fit just fine. (Well, other than the 20 pounds I gained during treatment.) I parted with one dress that just didn’t look right sans boobs.
And speaking of fit. The other change is your proportions are all different now. Suddenly, your tummy is bigger than your bust line. This causes a lot of distress with women and they call it having a Buddha belly. I like to think more Pooh Bear like.
I’m not gonna lie. This is distressing. It’s easy to go into self-critical mode and vow to do more sit-ups. I don’t want to be a rotund Buddha belly. It is yet another opportunity to learn self-love and to change the negative chatter in my mind.
A nice benefit of having no boobs-there are no mammos to gram. I’ll spell that out: no more mammograms. I don’t know any woman that enjoys mammograms, the anticipation or having your breasts squished between plates. (Not to mention the anxiety of waiting for results.)
Another benefit is no boob sweat! Because I love to exercise and work up a good sweat, this is really nice. Which leads me to my next benefit…
No bras! I don’t need to wear them anymore. No straps falling down. No bras riding up. No ill-fitting bras. No nipples poking through shirts. This is especially nice when I’m sweating up a storm in Zumba.
Ladies, if you’re reading this because you or someone you love is getting a double mastectomy, please know this. Life after this surgery is GOOD.
Going flat was a great choice for me and out of this entire cancer experience, the “easiest” part of a very difficult journey. (And because you may wonder, the hardest part was the initial diagnosis and testing. Chemo was more difficult too.)
Boobs are overrated. Especially if yours tried to kill you.
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