I am a Rape Survivor

And I am Mad as Hell That Americans Voted for a Convicted Rapist

Just typing these words, I can hear the nasty sneers from those who would condemn and insult my sensitivities, as Trump’s criminality is excused in the name of the greater good. But yet, I will share my story in the hopes that we can begin to look at others not as “others” but rather to take a deep breath and realize we are not enemies. I hope that by sharing our stories, we may find our way back to kindness and honor for one another.

And I’m looking at you, evangelicals. Your unwavering allegiance to a man who has rejected wholesale the civilizing values we once shared is breathtaking. And it’s in full sight of our children.

This underscores but one of the many reasons I find it reprehensible that not only is Trump escaping consequences that would send ordinary citizens to a max prison, he is lauded as the conquering hero for righting all that is wrong in America. Ethics be damned. And to hell with niceties.

Our values have suffered a death by a thousand cuts each time we have excused every violation of law or laugh at the mockery of others. And the more it escalates, the more the cheering.

But the deepest cut I feel is the betrayal from the majority of Americans who voted for a convicted rapist.

I had the mistaken notion that since my time of terror in the early 70s, the criminal justice system improved its way of handling victims of sexual violence.

How wrong I was. And it’s a travesty because there is still a helluva lot of violence perpetrated against women every. single. day.

Consider: One in five women will be raped or have experienced an attempt. One in five. 81% of women report experiencing some form of sexual harassment. One in four undergrad women will experience sexual violence on campus. (Helpful definition of “women”: Your mom. Your sister. Your wife. Your daughter.)

The impact upon victims cannot be overstated. Many of these women will live a life with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. We understand from the Adverse Childhood Experiences study that some of these women will develop chronic health issues, even decades later, as the result of the trauma.

The financial cost is nothing to sneeze at either, with the lifetime of cost per victim ($122,461). This covers things like lost wages and legal fees. And when totaled, those numbers reach into the trillions.

But what is more staggering is the fact that the price rape victims pay for the rest of their lives far surpasses any number. Like many survivors, I have spent years in therapy to bring healing to the damage this man brought to me. I have suffered from years of depression, anxiety, and chronic pain as a direct result.

But evidently, we survivors aren’t through paying the price. Because now, the next leader of this country, the one who has promised to “protect” women, “whether the women like it or not”, the rapist-elect, has been re-elected. Welcome back, resurgence of PTSD.

We have put the fox in charge of the national henhouse.

And instead of outrage, the hens are ridiculed for daring to raise an objection to the fox in their midst. We’re just unpatriotic bitches who cannot see the brilliance of our fearless leader.

Hyperbole? I think not. Just look at treatment of Jean Carrol. (And please, don’t even get me started on the technicalities that didn’t allow for the case to be called rape. It was rape. And while I’m beating that dead horse, spare me the bullshit about how she was lying, since it took her so long to come forward. It took me nearly 40 fucking years to talk about my trauma. The horrible way Carrol was treated by the media illustrates why many women will NEVER come forward, opting instead to suffer a lifetime in silence.)

The refusal to look at the damage and suffering caused by the erosion of the most basic of human values staggers me. But to excuse it and accuse the victims is a new level of depravity we tolerate.

But hey! Why wouldn’t some vote for a man who promises safety and security? He’s going to make us all more prosperous! And looky here at what the stock market did after his win.

We used to hold similar values. Nothing flashy, just your basic code of behavior and standard of ethics, taught by parents and reinforced by society.

Be kind. Don’t shit talk people. Work hard. Do the right thing even when no one is looking. Pay your taxes.

And for those professing Christianity, these values go beyond behavioral standards to include the qualities found in our higher human nature:

Love others. Honor those less fortunate. Defend the defenseless. Practice compassion and forgiveness.

Instead, Americans (and particularly evangelicals) have demonstrated that character no longer matters and corruption is worthy of blessing.

Well, he’s a brash leader, but he gets the job done. He’s a good business man (My god, have you not read about his history of bankruptcies? Or does that add another feather in his cap?) We need a strong leader for what’s happening in the world. (Would you say, Like Putin, or is that going a little too far?) The one I find especially repugnant… he’s a baby Christian.

I have heard many, many professing Christian proclaim he is God’s anointed man to save us from turning America into scorched earth. I’m voting for the felon, has become a meme. (I’m assuming smiles and high fives are exchanged when shared with fellow felon voters.) I’m also guessing a I’m voting for the rapist meme just doesn’t pop the same way. It lacks any whimsey.

But yet I cannot deny my understanding of why so many pinch their noses in order to swallow the bitter pill that is Trump. I share many of the same frustrations.

The issues are real and we need solutions yesterday.

I am outraged at the corporate greedflation that drives the cost of bread to $7/loaf. I am outraged by the lack of affordable housing and stagnated wages while the fat cats at the top of the food chain boast of their returns. I am outraged at the hypocrisy of elected leaders who live by the tenet, do as I say, not as I do.

Yes, I get it. We’re pissed and we want answers. Now, dammit!

Trump’s blustering, bloviating rage has fallen on the right ears at the right time. He gives the underdog a sense of being seen and heard. He has given voice to the frustration of the collective as people laugh along with his cruel treatment of others. Trump has blown the dog whistle to the lowest of our human nature, our darkest shadow. And they have come running. (See: January 6, 2021.)

He has dangled bait -the promise of solutions, laced with a generous amount of rage and the majority have taken it, hook, line and sinker. Morals be damned.

But hey, if you demonize the other party, it only further justifies support for a man so bereft of any redeeming qualities. Somebody’s got to do something!

So, to hell with facts. Fuck convention. Even dad is pissed enough to make him get outta his chair. And oh, shit, he’s talking off his belt too. (Buy your popcorn at the concession stand. Only $25.)

I imagine the glee over the upcoming daily shit show reports as Trump kicks ass and takes names. I imagine them to be on par with the delight of spectators who enjoyed watching people getting eaten alive by lions.

We can’t even have civil discussions any more. Jerry Springer would be so proud.

But yet I also understand these issues are not created or solved by one person alone. Nor are the ills going to be addressed by policy alone. Because the collective abandonment of values has rotted the very foundation of this nation.

You would no sooner build a home over a sinkhole than you would allow a rapist to run a girl’s boarding school. Or so I hope. It seems all bets are off now. Especially when the end is justified by any means.

So here we are. A convicted rapist will hold our country’s highest office.

I feel very unsafe. And I am mad as hell.

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