If you're alive, you will feel this...
Pain. Yes You will feel pain. I’m not talking the pain where you can pop a few ibuprofen and go on about your business. I’m talking about PAIN. Deep. Psychic. Pain.
"In every life, no matter how full or empty one's purse, there is tragedy. It is the one promise life always fulfills. Thus, happiness is a gift and the trick is not to expect it, but to delight in it when it comes. And to add to other people's store of it."
- Charles Dickens
Pain over choices your loved ones have made. Pain over paths not taken. Pain over finances. Pain from grief. Pain over fear for the state of affairs of the world in which we now live. Pain, pain, pain.
If anyone tells you they can fix your pain and make it all go away - they are selling something. And then there’s our human behavior. Because we don’t like pain, we will seek to numb or distract ourselves from it. (Hello, whatever-your-choice-of-holism, like workaholism, shopaholism, alcoholism, etc…)
So wadda do when the pain is so overwhelming you’d like to crawl into a hole, assume the fetal position and slurp down margaritas? (Ahem, speaking for a friend…) Spoiler alert: I’m not going to tell you to “just get over it” or to quote a Bible verse. Here’s what I’m learning:
You sit with it. You invite pain to expand your world and transform your very being.
Whaaaa? Did you think I had a magic answer? I wish I did! Nope, I don’t. You.sit.with.it.
You grieve. And if you have safe relationships, you share. You be vulnerable and allow yourself to heal. I don’t care how perfect someone’s life looks from the outside - we ALL have caches of pain locked away longing to be expressed and be heard. If only it were as easy as clearing the cache on your computer when it gets boggy.
Pain is part of our human experience. And if we allow it to transform it us, beautiful things can happen. We become softer around the edges. More compassionate. Kinder.
When we try to suppress and deny pain, it will shape shift into something else - like one of those “holisms” I mentioned earlier. Or you can develop chronic physical pain (fibromyalgia) like I did. Or we will inflict that pain onto someone else - usually those closest to us. And then there’s the ole invite to bitterness and resentment if you don’t address this unwelcome visitor.
If you find yourself bitter and resentful, it may be an indication of your resistance to the invitation to change and transform. I know, I know. This is hard shit!
I don’t enjoy pain anymore than the next guy but I am learning to sit with it and embrace it as important as enjoying life’s sweeter moments.
And good news (finally?!)….whatever pain your facing right now, I promise you, it won’t be like this forever. The sun will rise again.. It won’t always be this hard. And please never forget…
You are loved.
