Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Return to the Gym

There is No End to the Danger!

My son and I are enjoying a morning cuppa. He pauses a moment and says, “You know, mom, I was in the Nutrition store yesterday looking at pre-work out powders.”

Uh-huh, I reply. He’s a fitness trainer, so I anticipate a product recommendation even though my idea of pre-work nutrition is a peanut butter cup.

“It’s getting disturbing how they advertise,” he says. “They are getting more aggressive,” he adds.

How’s that? I inquire.

He tells me. There is a product made by a company called INSANITY; he uses his basso profundo voice on the word insanity.

INSANITY!

I giggle. His radio voice just cracks me up.

“The pre-work is called, (basso profundo again), ‘Murder Your Workout!’”

We both start howling as we consider the implications of 87-year-old Tilly showing up at water aerobics, freshly juiced up and ready to murder her workout.

I shudder, thinking of darker implications. Of pumped young men fueled by products named “beast” and “smack down.” Was it safe to go to the gym anymore? Would gym genocide become a thing?

It’s bad enough wondering if an enraged driver will rear end you if you linger a second too long when the light turns green, but now danger is lurking in the gym.

My boy looks up the company. It’s product lineup includes supplements with names like “Crazy Train” and “Edge of Insanity.” The bright fluorescent bottles should have seizure warnings on them.

Edge of Insanity? Pfffft. I raised three children and had a mailbox at that address. If I miss those good old days, I can always go to Walmart on a Saturday afternoon.

We ponder the implications

Exactly how does one murder their workout? Should one consult their doctor before going on a murderous work out rampage in the cardio area? Do the free weights become homicidal?

And could ingesting something called crazy train be the final straw for one already teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown?

Personally, I have been on that crazy train the past few years and I highly recommend you don’t book a journey on it.

I ponder further. What is it with our culture that we have to keep amping up everything to the point of using such bombastic language?

Go Big or Go Home. Failure is Not an Option. You Can’t Deposit Excuses.

Lordy Lordy, I feel exhausted just looking at a small sampling of tee shirts that proclaim such bold declarations.

What happens when you fall flat on your face? And yes, I can hear that voice, “YOU GET BACK UP AGAIN!” Ah. This is assuming your arms and legs aren’t broken.

Failure is not only an option, it IS inevitable if you’re moving forward and trying new things.

And ya know what? Sometimes there is a valid excuse that we should pay pay heed to.

And I sure as hell don’t recommend to anyone that they attempt to murder their workout.

I doubt the insanity company would ever hire me to do copy writing.

Call me soft. I love working out, love me my Zumba, but I’m steering clear of murderous workouts and you’ll never see me wearing a tee that insists on “going big.”

The insanity bit? Yeah, I experience that every time I have to call customer support, no matter the company.

Maybe THAT’S the problem. In order to keep their worker bees the energy to work in inhumane conditions, they are feeding them insanity drinks.

Given the state of things anymore, perhaps Insanity brew is in tap water.

Heaven helps us all.

By the way, I’m going to install a water filter.

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