My Life as Depicted By Pinterest

It Ain’t Pretty, Folks

My life has been a series of Pinterest fails. I’m not just talking birthday cakes. Not that I claimed I could ever be one of “those” moms who threw themed birthday parties for their toddlers, cakes decorated to perfection.

Noooooo, my birthday cakes resembled more Salvador Dali interpretations of, well, I’m not sure what. In my defense, I’ve always asserted that the glob, er, I mean dollop, of frosting in the center of cake was embellishment enough.

This was even after taking a cake decorating class. I’ll never forget the instructor circulating through the room to offer suggestions and encouragement to the students.

She fell silent as she regarded my efforts. Her face flashed a look somewhere between pity and horror.

She took my spatula and artfully applied it to my creation.

“There, do you feel better about that now?” she said.

Why, yes, I did. Thank you very much.

My list of domestic shortcomings only continues to grow, as evidenced by the contact paper fiasco a few weeks ago. Oh, you missed it? You can get the tell-all here.

Then there was my attempt, as recent as (cough, cough) yesterday, to better insulate my tiny house. All I’m gonna say, is please try not to stare at the gorilla tape holding together some of those attempts. (More on this in another article.)

A trip to Hobby Lobby reminds me of my failings as well. I think they are in collusion with Pinterest to make us mortal moms feel like crapola. A stroll through there makes me wax sarcastic when I read the warm cozy signs. ‘This Home Held Together By Love.”

Now, I did, and I do fiercely love my children with all my heart. And while I love to subscribe to the notion of love as glue, my mind has trouble with some cognitive dissonance in saying so.

My life has been held together by gorilla tape, sheer grit, strong coffee and a history of too much merlot.

But “This Home Held Together by Gorilla Tape” doesn’t have the same feel. And let’s face it. It gets the job done, but it’s butt ugly and leaves a nasty residue when you attempt to remove it.

I pause and see the touching, “All Because Two People Fell in Love” scrawled over a softly focused couple gazing into each other’s eyes in a verdant field.

I try to keep my sarcastic snort to myself but evidently not as quiet as I thought as I realize a nice churchy looking woman is giving me the side eye.

My mind pictures, “All Because Two People Fell Apart” and I envision said happy couple with the zig zag split down the middle. A B-52 bomber is swooping down in the background.

Nah. I wanna see honest Hobby Lobby tropes and memes to reflect real life. My life.

It would have cute little farm house style decorations reading, “Better Luck Next Time” and “God Knows You Tried” and “Pinterest is Overrated.”

Cry in your beer music would play in my Alternate Universe Hobby Lobby. There would be a sprinkling of break up songs too. Think Michael Buble’s It’s a Beautiful Day. Go ahead, watch the YouTube.

It would sell a book entitled, Cake Decorating for Pinterest Failures. And gorilla tape. Plenty of gorilla tape. There would be a whole freaking department focused on gorilla tape.

Marriage gone to shit? Aisle 4. Trying to hang onto a fantasy future? Aisle 4, people. Your life feels shattered? Aisle 4. Comes in an array of couture colors, depending on the exploded circumstances you’re trying to piece back together.

Then I realize that maybe all that gorilla tape isn’t such a good idea. Maybe shit needs to come apart at the seam sometimes. Or blowup, whatever. I have found things rarely fall apart in a neat fashion.

Trying to hold together images of the what I thought life should look like doesn’t work. It only leaves me stuck, in emotional pain, and limited in perspective.

Hanging onto fantasies of what life should look like, as depicted by marketers, doesn’t work either.

Addition by subtraction. Less is More. Yeah, my Alternative Hobby Lobby would have these signs.

And a big one that says, “Sometimes Life Just Sucks.” But there would be a little asterisk after it, leading you to read in smaller letters, but it is still beautiful.

I would be remiss not to include a deep truth that has guided my life and explained the inexplicable. Let’s put it in a papyrus font with a misty background, shall we? It reads:

Shit Happens.

Wishing it away doesn’t make it POOF! disappear.

Accepting this truth can bring great peace and comfort in the situations that are beyond your control.

(Insert Serenity Prayer here.)

This is not easy. My life has felt like that crumbled up contact paper I wrote about. I’ve had to rip the gorilla tape off things I tried to hold together. And you thought ripping a Band-Aid off an owie was painful?

And I’m also learning to accept my limitations with laughter and a splash of sarcasm. (Read: No cake decorating.)

This is life. It’s messy. It’s painful. It’s beautiful. And not in a Pinteresty sort of way.

I look at my friends and family and the abundance of love and support I received. I realize I am rich beyond measure. I remember wise words from a dear friend who is an investment advisor. She said, “Some people are so poor, all they have is a lot of money.”

Hmmmmm. Wonder if that should go on a sign in my Hobby Lobby store.

Yeah, it’s this non-stuff stuff that makes the Shit Happens bearable and brings joy to life.

We must remind ourselves too that good shit happens too.

And it also makes me wonder if there’s a gorilla tape for cakes.

Thanks so much for reading. You can find me around the internet at www.theresawinn.com, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. If you’d like to support my writing and gorilla tape needs, feel free to contribute to my wishlist.