Embracing Voluntary Simplicity as a Survival Strategy

Navigating the new financial reality after gray divorce

Introduction- Less is More

Have you heard about The Paradox of Choice? In his book by that title, psychologist Barry Schwartz, explores how having too many choices can trigger anxiety and stress. Choice is important, yes. Too many choices, not so much.

“The jam study” illustrates this paradox. In an upscale grocery store, there were tables displayed with 24 varieties of gourmet jam for shoppers to sample.

The next day, there was another table of samples but this time, only six varieties. Not surprisingly, the first table garnered more attention than the smaller one. What was surprising was what they observed at the checkout. People who saw the big display were one-tenth as likely to buy a jar of jam as those who sampled from the small display.

Personally, when I see so many choices, I turn tail and run, it’s too overwhelming. Hello, decision overload. God knows, we are faced with a myriad of decisions at every turn.

In other ways, we are overloaded by “friends” on social media even though research is clear on this as well; about 150 connections maxes out the bandwidth we have for relationships. This is referred to as Dunbar’s number.

It’s all to easy to throw up our hands and not engage. Or you may try to press through, knowing there’s a bottle of wine (or whatever your favorite numbing agent is) waiting for you at home. (That was my go-to.)

The level of insanity only makes it more challenging when you are navigating life changes, especially after a gray divorce. Embracing simplicity may help you.

Examples of a voluntary simplicity

I have long endeavored to live a lifestyle of simplicity. In part because I have been inspired by St. Francis. He was born into a wealthy family but rejected material wealth in favor of minimalism. He believed having few material distractions helped him maintain his focus on God.

Religion aside, Henry David Thoreau, wrote about the value of voluntary simplicity in his book, Walden Pond. Thoreau spent two years living in a small cabin with nothing more than a few necessities and a desire to live in harmony with nature.

Vicki Robin, author of Your Money or Your Life, brings a modern voice to the simplicity movement. She advocates for reducing consumption and finding value in life beyond stuff.

A quick search on Amazon will reveal many others who echo the less is more message.

Philosophy aside, I embrace simplicity with more fervor than ever after my gray divorce. There are two reasons for this.

My reasons for voluntary simplicity

First, saying no to rampant consumerism is part of how I say “fuck you” to da man. Our economy is built on a constant stream of marketing messages that are long on promises and short on delivery. If you just buy this, your life will be better! (Good God, if I only had a nickel for every bottle of potions and supplements that I’ve emptied out of the medicine cabinets of organizing clients. With their permission of course!)

They gotta keep us buying! And planned obsolescence keeps the cycle going. It is by design that shit breaks or the technology needs constant updating… for a cost, of course.

Second, I embrace voluntary simplicity because it supports a less expensive lifestyle. This doesn’t mean buying cheap shit all the time. Sometimes this looks counter intuitive. For example, when I buy new shoes, I plan on spending at lease $100. (Even though I still choke a little writing out that amount.)

But that pair of $100-ish shoes is going to outlast 4 pair of cheap ass shoes from a big box store. And they feel a helluva lot better on my high-arched tootsies.

Embracing simplicity can become your secret weapon when it comes to navigating the changes when you find yourself being downwardly mobile.

Here’s how a life of simplicity can help you

Financial Freedom. The benefits for simplicity are numerous, starting with the obvious: getting less stuff means paying less. I’m not suggesting full on austerity measures here but rather becoming more mindful of how and where you are spending unnecessarily.

For example, is shopping your go-to stress relief? Again, I recall the countless organizing clients who illustrated to me the ineffectiveness of this strategy. It is not unusual to empty out closets of items with price tags still attached.

If this is you, I encourage you to find other ways to blow off stress.

Are you a recreational shopper? Instead of hitting Nordstroms, I propose learning how to treasure hunt at thrift stores, garage sales and clothing swaps.

These measures will most certainly save money. I am also sure you will be surprised as I am when I find upscale clothing or household items for pennies on the dollar from new.

Foooooocus. You don’t have to have ADHD to see the benefit of this. I’ve had many discussions with girlfriends where we daydream of how lovely it would be to burn down the house, walk away and live in a cabin on our own Walden Pond.

We are not wired for the constant sensory overload we daily experience. Too much stuff. Too much noise. Too much on the calendar.

The focus you desire is likely buried underneath all the too much.

Reduced stress and anxiety. They’ve done studies on this and the connection is clear: clutter creates stress. Not to mention the stress of having to clean, dust and arrange the excess.

When you walk into your home do you see projects needing to be done along with decluttering? Or do you feel like your home is a peaceful place of refuge where we can recover from the beatings of the day? Most people I talk to identify with the first statement.

Environmental impact. Our earth is deep doo-doo thanks to our lust for stuff because that stuff’s gotta come from somewhere. So, we blow up mountain to mine shit, poison drinking water, and support the exploitation of impoverished people to support rapacious consumerism. And this is barely scratching the surface of the devastation we wreak on Mother Earth every.single.day.

By saying NO to consumerism, we are saying to YES to help ensuring future generations have a safe planet on which to live.

Along this vein, when I need something, I try to buy second hand as much as possible. Or I see if a neighbor can loan me what I need for a one-off task. In the 55+community where I live, folks are eager to help and share with one another, via the community forum on Facebook.

Improved relationships. None of this “he who dies with the most toys wins” thinking. Most of us will say we value relationships and experiences over accumulating things. The saying is true: The most important things in life isn’t things.

Discovering simple joys like a campfire or baking cookies with a loved one are priceless substitutes that cost little to nothing.

Greater Appreciation. Have you ever done that tedious and agonizing raisin exercise taught by mindfulness teachers? The exercise is simple. Pop one raisin in your mouth and keep it there for what feels like hours while the teacher guides you through exploring every nook and cranny of that raisin.

I have never looked at raisins in the same why since. I am reminded of the bounty of earth to create such a wonderful sweet treat. I give thanks for the people who cultivated the fruit and brought it to market. I am mindful of the mind-blowing distribution chains that stock the shelves at stores. And I am mindful too of my good fortune, I have access to a regular food supply. Something millions of impoverished people worldwide lack.

Raisins aside, I am grateful for the generosity of people who share their expertise on YouTube, like the piano and guitar teacher I found to help me grow as a musician. What a gift! And I pay nothing.

This is not toxic positivity. It trains us to be present to what is in the moment and to find the little sparkles of joy in the day-to-day. Those sparkles are everywhere, if we pay attention.

When times are tough, expressing gratitude may feel forced. But I have found that by exercising the gratitude muscle regularly, giving thanks develops emotional muscle memory.

The inverse is true as well. Bitching not only gets old, it can become habitual, leading to victimhood. Who likes being around someone who is always whingeing? And this includes myself, Sometimes I catch myself and get tired of hearing myself bitch about things I have no control over.

Conclusion — You have nothing to lose, really!

I hope you feel encouraged to take a step, even a baby step, toward simplicity as part of your later-in-life do-over. The rewards are many and the peace of mind is the cherry on top.

I would love to hear from you, dear readers. Can you share one way you’ve simplified your life? What are the challenges you face in implementing these sorts of changes? I would love to hear from you, drop me a comment!

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