Debunking the Poverty Myth

When Faith and Frugality Can’t Overcome Economic Barriers

“You are too disabled to qualify for disability.” My friend, who I’ll call Marie for privacy, tells me this with a wry laugh. She is 50-something, going through a messy divorce from an abusive husband, and struggling with serious, life-threatening health issues.

She is yet another example of the failed safety nets that are especially damaging to women, particularly those who devoted their lives to homemaking and find themselves divorced after a 20+ year marriage.

In this case, Marie is college educated and has worked hard all her life. Besides managing a home with 2 children on the autism spectrum, she built a successful bookkeeping practice, despite regular medical crises related to a rare disorder. She tells me how she worked from her bed in ICU once. She had no choice, she says. Her then-husband worked inconsistently at menial jobs and her income kept them afloat-barely.

A woman of faith, she just kept chugging along. But that proved to be as helpful as her frugality. And sorry, Dave Ramsey, but a beans and rice diet commitment doesn’t make it all better.

Over the years, the husband’s behavior became more unstable and abusive. The conflict was terrible for Marie. Continue tolerating the bullshit (AKA keeping the faith) in exchange for the minimal help he provided or move on to divorce.

The last round of abuse solidified her decisions to divorce.

But where to begin? Her days were now filled with the tedium and despair of applying for government assistance. Local agencies and churches could not offer much, given the swelling ranks of the needy.

A call to a disability attorney clarified the seriousness of her situation. Yes, your health issues qualify for disability. You lack the needed work credits for approval. Tsk, tsk. If only she worked harder in between life-threatening episodes.

And that is when the attorney said it. “You are too disabled for disability.”

I can relate to Marie’s situation. Though my circumstances have not been as dire. But our stories are the same and shared by countless other women who have worked hard all their lives and now live at poverty level after a gray divorce.

Among the many issues woven into this shitty tapestry, there are two, from my perspective, that rise to the top.

They’re poor because they’re lazy!

First, there is the demonization of the poor. They are lazy and unmotivated.

If they only worked harder. They just need to pay their dues. I made it through hard work-what’s their problem? They should have made better decisions. They are victims of “stinkin’ thinkin” and need to think more positively so they can “manifest” success.

And for women in particular, let’s throw in a knife twist too.

She never should have married him. Why didn’t she leave sooner? Shame on her for not securing her own interests. How irresponsible of her to not work while the kids were home. You just need to be stronger.

First, it ignores the reality facing women in a country where social safety nets continue to be destroyed.

They didn’t do things right

Find yourself a single mom with a breast cancer diagnosis? Tough shit. Figure it out. And hope the delay in getting approval for radiation doesn’t kill you first.
Have a child with a severe epilepsy? Too bad the insurance won’t cover the medication needed.
Divorced after the age of 50? Statistically, your standard of living is going to nosedive.
How about the single mom who works three part-time jobs after the sudden death of her husband and then loses Medicaid coverage for her kids because her income is $20 over the limit?

The rich get richer and the middle class shrinks

But hey! Let’s remove all government programs by reducing taxes for the ultra-rich and trust that these good people will trickle down the wealth.

Uh. That hasn’t happened people. Instead, the gulf between the haves and the have nots continues to grow. Corporations now control much of the economy through their sweetheart deals with politicians. Billionaires pay a pittance in taxes while the middle class continues to be squeezed out of existence and stuck holding the bag of what little help is available.

Additionally, consumer and employee protections have been knee-capped in the name of allowing a free market to run things. Hey! It worked for the days of children in factories, right? And I mean, c’mon, it’s entitled thinking to think a company should pay benefits, despite their banner profits, right?

This is my overly simplified attempt to distill these complicated issues into an article. I just see the stories everywhere. (One of my favorite thinkers these days is professor Heather Cox Richardson. She is a historian and breaks down current political issues through an historic lens.)

I’ll take an order of judgment, hold the curiosity

The next big issue I see is the judgement heaped upon those who are struggling. And if you’re like me, some of these judgments are hardwired into our history as reflected by Ben Franklin axioms such as “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.”

The inference-if you’re not healthy, wealthy and wise, you’ve got poor sleeping habits. (And who the hell doesn’t have sleep issues these days?)

Such simplistic thinking is not helpful.

Let’s revisit those examples above but add in some self-righteous, societal-approved judgement.

Breast cancer? She should have taken better care of herself. And how irresponsible to get pregnant and be a single mom.

Child with epilepsy? My insurance rates shouldn’t be penalized because of someone else’s health issues. Perhaps they travel to India to get the medication for less. Or get a different job with better insurance.

Later in life divorce? It’s her own damn fault. She should have figured things out earlier. (This is an especially cruel accusation that I have told myself even.)

The single mom struggling with three jobs? Her husband was irresponsible in not taking out life insurance and then has the nerve to croak. She should go back to school and get a degree. (Um, she has one already but can’t find full-time work as most employers limit hours so they don’t have to offer any benefits.)

What’s especially horrifying is the fact that some of the most shrill critics proclaim to be Christian and weaponize Scripture. ‘If a man doesn’t work, he shouldn’t eat.” Or pseudo spiritual bullshit like “God helps those who help themselves.”

And we call it compassion. Tough love. God’s ways are not our ways and beyond our understanding is the final dismissal.

Additionally, there is a level of superiority that keeps the judgement flowing. I pulled myself up by the bootstraps, therefore I deserve my good fortune. And of course, I am blessed because I tithe. (And if you tithed too, you’d be blessed. And remember-it’s on the gross, people!)

I can understand the anger a little. Especially because so many are struggling and perceive help to others as coming out of their own pocket. (Which in someways is true.)

The cruelty however, takes my breath away. When we turn a blind eye on the suffering and justify why they rightfully struggle while congratulating ourselves on doing things right.

We need compassion-guided changes

If we use Walt Whitman’s “Be curious, not judgmental” we see things in a more compassionate, humane way.

It’s easy to feel superior… until we listen to the back stories. The histories of abuse and trauma. The health struggles. The amount of energy it takes for some people simply to get out of bed. The despair of constant food and housing insecurity.

I am confident you know some of these people even though all looks well from your perspective.

But it’s not my problem! This is part of the lie perpetuated by the “self-made” man myth. None of us are self-made. Not a single one.

But yes, it is your problem. And it is my problem. Because we are all in this together. And you, dear reader, are one event away from your life falling apart, through no fault of your own. And when it does, I hope you are supported by compassionate people and the proper resources to help.

How do we address these issues? This is where I scratch my head and talk with women in my circle. We all agree something needs to be done. But what? And how?

I’m not sure. But I’m sure as hell going to be talking about this more.

Meanwhile, we women will continue doing what we do: holding the shit show together as best we can.

I would love to network with more women to brainstorm and vision cast for a better future, one where everyone’s needs are met. Not just for ourselves, but for everyone. Because there is enough for everyone’s needs… but not enough for the few driven by greed.

What about you? What challenges are you facing? And what solutions do you envision?

Thank you for reading and sharing. Care to support my work? You can click here. Thank you!

Here’s my Substack, Decluttering ADHD.

Interested in working with me? I would love to hear from you! Click here.